Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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