On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
