Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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