he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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