I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i dont even know how to be here
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize