UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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