For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
