3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
