he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
