WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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