omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
