i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
