What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
