Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
