Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
there is another microwave in the elevator.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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