so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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