highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
