How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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