Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Houston, we have a blender
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
