Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
