Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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