I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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