he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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