Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize