I can tuck mytits in my pants
Your dad touched me again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
