a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
