...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
