Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
