Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
