so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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