The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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