Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
