And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
