ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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