dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
This is the high leading the old right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
