Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
