Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
