you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
