dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
