yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
