she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
