yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
