Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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