I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
