Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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