Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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