dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
