Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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