and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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