Just cropdusted the office
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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