I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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