so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
