If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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