Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
