PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
