Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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