Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
