i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
