I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
