My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
