I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
