I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
