Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
