Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
