A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize