why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
