Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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