it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
