Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
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