My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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