I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
