Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
