I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
