Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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