Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
