Soap is not a condiment
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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