I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
