the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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