...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
