Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
