So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
