I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
