i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have fence marks all over my body
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
