all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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