apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
