Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
