ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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