Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
