After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
