My first STD was from a foam party
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
