I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
