broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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