If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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