At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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