I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
