Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
