Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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