Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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