sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
