We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
