i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
