I just made out with a guy for $7.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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