Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
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