An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
