Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize