Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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