Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
