Joe is yelling at the trees again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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