you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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