wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
